Friday, November 20, 2009

"Did you ever...? (The Telephone)

Did you ever…?
by Melech

Did you ever wonder what Alexander Graham Bell would think if he could see how far the telephone has advanced? Today, because of, or in spite of modern technology, the telephone is capable of prodigies and can do everything except reproduce. We have been overworking the telephone by constantly increasing its job description without paying it anything. I have no real proof of this yet, but this could be the reason why the telephone has started to rebel and get even with the human race.

Yesterday, as I was returning to the house after taking the trash to the bin, I heard the phone ringing and I raced to answer it. In my haste, I slammed my hand in the door, tripped over the bag of trash that I forgot to take out, cut my knee, ripped my shirt, and chipped a tooth. When I picked up the phone, there was only a dial tone. I checked the answering machine, but there were no messages. The Called I.D. indicated that no one had called. This could mean only one thing; the telephone knew that I was out of the house and it rang by itself. When I mentioned this to my sister, she hung up on me.

The telephone is capable of another talent which none of the telephone companies will tell you about. You can be in the house for hours without anyone in the family saying a word to you. If you try talking to them, they don’t hear your. Finally, out of loneliness and desperation, you decided to make a phone call. The telephone sends out a message to everyone in the free world to let them know that you are on the phone. You have been on the phone for exactly ten seconds when everyone in the house, plus a few neighbours you have not seen for two years, are all gathered around you and talking to you, asking questions which must be answered immediately or none of their vital organs will continue functioning. If you try to tell them that you are busy talking and you will deal with their questions later, the telephone decides that you have talked long enough, and terminates your call. Suddenly, the room is empty. Everyone has gone back to what they were doing before you got on the phone, and they no longer require your attention.

I called my sister and told her that I was going to take out the bag of trash that I tripped over yesterday, but that I was going to sneak past the telephone so that it will not know that I have left the house. Otherwise, it will start ringing again. My sister told me to take a pill and a nap instead, and then she hung up on me.

“Did you ever…?” is a weekly newspaper column by Melech
Copyright©2009 by Melech. All rights reserved
The next column will be posted on November 28,, 2009
File #RBCOL06

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