Did you ever…?
Did you ever wonder how so many people could come up with so many wonderful inventions? What great minds they must have! I am in constant amazement at these brilliant men and women who have invented so many things that have made my life easier.
The smoke detector:
I will be forever grateful to the inventor of the smoke detector. Without this gadget, how would I ever know when my dinner was done ?
This amazing device was a little more difficult for me to adapt to. After two-and-a-half hours, I finally located the on/off switch. Then, by working constantly for three weeks, followed by four months of therapy, I learned how to insert and play a video tape. The instruction manual informed me that I could watch a programme whilst I was recording another, and that I could record programmes when I was not at home. I haven’t tried this yet because the doctor said that I would need a few more months of therapy before I attempted to program the VCR.
The clock and several other display functions blink constantly, but, every time I try to correct it, it sets off the smoke detector and several other small household appliances. I asked my neighbour, Bing, if he would help me with this, but he said: “Why bother? The VCR is becoming obsolete now. It is being replaced with DVD’s.”
“Bing,” I shouted; “I refuse to believe that anyone would want to replace VCR’s with underwear.”
“Not BVD’s;” he said. “DVD’s.”
I pretended I understood what he was talking about, but I don’t think he believed me, because he walked out and now he isn’t speaking to me again.
The Microwave Oven:
This is a great invention for those who know how to use it. Personally, I never fully mastered the art of microwave cooking. Eggs and potatoes exploded; a ceramic coffee mug melted; and, I was treated to a spectacular “electric light show” when I didn’t remove the aluminum cover from a microwave dinner.
My microwave is afraid of me now, and it goes into “failure mode” whenever I approach it. I could swear I heard my microwave crying and screaming in the middle of the night. I suppose I will just go on cooking the old fashion way, and let my smoke detector tell me when my dinner is done.
I thought about these great inventions and decided to become an inventor. I bought some equipment and set up a small laboratory in my basement. Three explosions and four fires later, the police, Scotland Yard, The Home Office, and an official document from Buckingham Palace advised me that if I wanted to continue my experiments, I would have to do it in another country. They suggested Castle Dracula in Transylvania. When I told this to my sister, she asked when I was leaving, and said that she would help me pack, and then she hung up on me.
“Did you ever…?” is a weekly newspaper column by Melech
©copyright 2009 by Melech. All rights reserved.
The next column will be posted on October 23, 2009